When I started this blog, I knew I really wanted to offer solutions to the enormous problems that plague our modern day lives. The big issues like how to not wash your hair and the best messy bun and board games to play with your kids that won’t make you want to poke your eyes out

We live in a world full of people shouting their opinions. It can sometimes be impossible to discern the truth. There are so many options and opinions and choices, it’s easy to get completely overwhelmed.

In no area is this more apparent than in the Easter candy aisle.

There are 8 varieties of Easter Reeses Eggs on the aisles of Target. This is lunacy.

As I shopped for some Easter basket loot, I stood in aisle and broke out into a cold sweat as I pondered the various ratios of chocolate to peanut butter that stood before me. Which one is the most delicious? What if I take a risk with a new variety and I ruin Easter? Which ones are easiest to shovel secretly into your mouth while you holler at the children that they can’t have any snacks because dinner is soon?

Wonder no more, my friends.

I have taken the liberty of purchasing and tasting each variety of Reese’s Easter confection, and I now present:

The Definitive Guide of  Reese’s Easter Confections

Here’s the spread, people. This is every Reese’s easter confection offered by my local Target. If I’m buying any varieties, please let me know! I will bravely find it and taste it, for science.

The Taste Off

Reese’s Miniature

I started with your average Reese’s miniature. The standard to which I will compare all other treats. Ol’ faithful.

Appearance: This is your standard mini Reese’s cup. A solid standby. Sturdy and cute.

Texture: The chocolate on this is firm and thick, and the peanut butter is more gritty than smooth.

Chocolate-to-peanut-butter ratio: I’d say this about 1:1. Equal chocolate to peanut butter. Solid.

Overall Rating: 7/10. These are good. Of course. Who doesn’t like them? Monsters, that’s who. And I guess people with life threatening peanut allergies. But they aren’t anything really special. Aside from the innate specialness of chocolate and peanut butter.

Reese’s Egg

Up next we have the big daddy Reese’s Egg. This is not for casual snacking. You don’t eat 7 of these while you’re preparing dinner. This is a commitment. A beautiful, delicious, commitment, but know what you’re getting in to.

Appearance: Big! And much softer.

Texture: The chocolate is smooth and thin in this big honkin’ egg. The peanut butter is smoother and lighter.

Chocolate-to-peanut-butter ratio. I’m going with 1:2. Way more peanut butter than chocolate. But in a good way. This peanut butter is like peanut butter frosting and I love it.

Overall Rating: 8/10. These are fantastic. But they are so huge and rich and I feel like I need to lie down after eating one.

Reese’s Small Egg

Which brings us to the Reese’s Egg little brother, the small Reese’s egg. I looooove these. Spoiler alert, I went in to this positive that these would be the winners. I didn’t even know what was in store. These are almost identical to the big eggs, except slightly less insulin is required afterwards.

Appearance: Perfectly egg shaped and a much more reasonable size

Texture: Smooth soft chocolate, and soft peanut butter. Fluffy and light.

Chocolate-to-peanut-butter ratio: 1:2 again.

Overall Rating: 9/10. Super yum. These belong in every Easter basket. Unless you’re allergic to peanuts. In which case you get peeps and a sympathy card.

Reese’s Candy Coated Egg

I need to bring you back from that high to these disappointments. I mean, I shouldn’t have really been disappointed; what was I expecting? I hate white chocolate.This kind of tastes like a Reese’s Pieces. It’s not terrible. But it’s definitely not my favorite. It’s extra disappointing after tasting near perfection above.

Appearance: I like the yellow color. But good chocolate is never yellow.

Texture: Same soft and smooth peanut butter we know and love from the other eggs, and the “white chocolate” is also smooth and thin.

“Chocolate”-to-peanut-butter ratio: 1:2. Which is still too high for that gross candy coating.

Overall Rating: 1/10. If you like white chocolate, you’ll probably like these. But if you like white chocolate, go see a therapist.

Reese’s Cluster

See, I knew I wouldn’t like the white chocolate eggs. But these were a surprising disappointment. I thought I would love them! Peanut Butter! Chocolate! Caramel! Nuts! All things I love! But for some reason the combination was just plain “meh”. It wasn’t gross. But I had no desire to eat another one, ever. The caramel was kind of sickly sweet and had a bit of a gritty texture. And it just didn’t meld well with the peanut butter flavor. Boo.

Appearance: I love the chocolate stripes on the egg! But beauty will only get you so far in this life, and in my Easter basket

Texture: Much more crisp and substantial chocolate layer. The caramel was kind of gritty and chewy. And peanut butter was hard to discern between the weird caramel and the thick chocolate.

Chocolate-to-peanut-butter ratio: 1:1. Maybe? It’s hard to tell. Disappointing, is what it is.

Overall Rating: 4/10. Not gross. Just not that good.

Reese’s Mini Egg

Time to boost our morale with these little gems. These are absolutely fantastic. I could eat 15. Well, if I hadn’t already tried so many other Reese’s varieties.

 Appearance: Such a cute little egg! Perfect size

Texture: The chocolate on these eggs is crisper and more sturdy than the other eggs, but is still thin and fantastic. The peanut butter is ultra smooth and dreamy.

Chocolate-to-peanut-butter ratio: I’m going to say 1:1.5. Slightly less peanut butter than the other eggs, but I have to say the chocolate is a lot better, so I’m totally digging it.

Overall Rating: 9/10. I have zero complaints about these eggs. They would have been a 10, but alas, only one can be crowned the ultimate Reese’s Easter Confection champion.

Reese’s Big Egg

… And this is not it. This was another flop. These taste just like the big Cadbury eggs, except with a disappointing peanut butter filling. The filling almost tastes like it is also chocolate flavored. It barely tastes peanut-y. The chocolate is SO thick and the egg is SO big. It’s just too much and I could never eat a whole one. I mean obviously I could. But why?

Appearance: I was excited about this big fat egg. It’s very cute with it’s little egg design imprints.

Texture: Super thick and dense chocolate. Dense and boring peanut butter inside.

Chocolate-to-peanut-butter-ratio: I’m going to say 2:1. Which is all sorts of wrong. I am sure the Reese’s headquarters reads my blog with rapt attention, so take notes, guys.

Overall Rating: 2/10. I don’t like ’em.

Reester Bunny

And now for the come from behind, no one saw it coming victor: THE REESTER BUNNY. OH MY GOSH. These are IT, people!!! Honestly, I thought these would be a throw away. I pictured them being sub-par chocolate and just not good. But oh my goodness, these are my new favorite. I LOVE THEM.

Appearance: While I prefer the traditional egg shape, these are cute.

Texture: HEAVEN. The chocolate is smooth and crisp but still substantial. The PEANUT BUTTER is soooo smooth and decadent and perfect.

Chocolate-to-peanut-butter ratio: 1:1. Perfection

Overall Rating: 10/10!!!! Reester Bunny for president!!!

So, to sum up:

THE ESSENTIALS:

Reester Bunny

Reese’s Small Egg

Reese’s Mini Egg

The “If You’re Into It”

Reese’s Egg

Reese’s Miniature

SKIP IT

Reese’s Cluster

Reese’s Candy Coated Egg

Reese’s Big Egg

And there you have it, folks. Sleep a little sounder knowing that I am here to get to the bottom of the issues of today.