Tantrum Taming Trick

One morning, I had just hopped into the shower while my 4-year-old, Nate, played with toys in the bathroom next to me. He told me wanted to go downstairs and have a snack, so I told him to run down and get a banana and eat it and come back up. He scurried away for his snack, and no sooner had a lathered up my shampoo when I heard a blood-curdling scream. Certain that such a scream could only be the result of mortal danger, I sprinted down the stairs with shampoo dripping from my hair.

My eyes darted about the kitchen for whatever carnage had invoked such horror, and found Nate standing with a banana peel in his hands, still sobbing and screaming. He released a guttural moan as he lamented  “My banana broooooooke.”

I wiped shampoo from my eyes and stared at this angry banshee in my kitchen and decided something needed to change here. We needed to figure out how I could be sure that if I ever again heard such screaming during my shower, I could be sure someone was in bodily harm and that it warranted a soapy sprint down the stairs.

How to start

That night, we had a little lesson titled, “How to not shriek like you are being disemboweled, because your banana broke: Appropriate Reactions to Problems 101.”

To start, my husband and I did some role-playing. (Not like that, ya pervert). We re-enacted silly little scenarios like this one:

Cary: “Can I please have some water?”

Amy: “Sure!” (Hands Cary a blue cup)

Cary, in a shockingly accurate toddler impression: “IIIIII WAAAAANTED THE REEEEEEED ONEEEEEEEEE AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”

Nate stared in horror and confusion as his parents took turns going fully postal over minor infractions. After a couple of examples, we asked Nate what we thought about all of that. He thought we did not need to scream and cry over these things and he did not like it. And wouldn’t you know it, we agreed!

Explaining it in a way that makes sense to a toddler

We then drew a picture with a green face, a yellow face, and a red face, with corresponding levels of upset faces. Next, we brainstormed with Nate what might qualify as a green, yellow, and red problem, and what those reactions might look like. Because Nate was involved in categorizing different problems, this has made him much more cooperative when we remind him what kind of problem he is experiencing.

This little exercise has been extremely effective for our, ahem, emotive child. When he is starting to go berzerk over the wrong cup or wanting to buckle his carseat, we gently remind him, “Nate, what kind of problem do you think this is?” And he usually responds that it is a green problem, and that he doesn’t need to scream about it. We aren’t trying to teach him to bury his emotions or learn not to cry. We’re just trying to teach him to regulate himself just a bit, and put some of his nuclear meltdowns into perspective.

It was a super simple conversation that helped Nate and I both understand each other more, and I think we are a happier and less scream-y household for it!

I’ve made up a handy little printable if you want to give it a try with your kiddo!

Traffic Light Problems

I’ve included space with each color to write down examples in your family of what constitutes each type of problem. Maybe your child doesn’t lose their entire mind because you opened their yogurt, but brushing teeth is World War III. Toddlers are so funny, so opinionated, and so hard! I hope this can help your life together be a little less scream-y.