Spending all day at home with tiny humans can be rough, y’all. I’m so lucky to be able to stay at home with my kids, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit I sometimes fantasized about working at the 7-11 down the street from me, just to get some time away. But alas, I feel called to be at home, and 7-11 isn’t hiring.

There but by the grace of Quiet Time, and Diet Coke, go I.

Nap Time is Sacred Time

When my now-4-year-old approached the end of his napping career, I was well and truly terrified. Nap time was a sacred and beautiful time that I cherished, and I did not know how I would live when it ended.

How would I accomplish all of my important nap time tasks when he stopped napping? I often do hair during nap time, and sometimes I just watch TV, and both of these activities are very important to me. I just can not start the day with my kids, staring down the barrel of 13 hours straight of kid-wrangling.

As Nate’s naps dwindled, I decided to institute quiet time. Every day, I took him to his room and told him he could lay in bed and sleep, or he could play quietly in his room. Either way, I’d see him in a while.

At first he napped about half of the days, and spent the other half singing songs to himself and flipping through books.

Eventually he stopped napping completely. He started constantly coming out of his room and hollering “IS QUIET TIME OVER YET???” To which I hollered back, “YOU AREN’T BEING QUIET SO IT HASN’T STARTED YET. THIS STILL FEELS LIKE LOUD TIME. GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM.”

I lamented this not-quiet quiet time to a hair client, after Nate sulked back to his room for the 40th time during her appointment. She told me that when her kids were little, she would have them rest in their room while a CD played. They knew exactly how long it was, they knew they couldn’t come out until the CD was over, and it solved the boomerang issue I was facing.

GENIUS.

I could have kissed her right on the mouth, but instead I immediately downloaded several movie soundtrack albums onto an old iPad. Each album is about 50-75 minutes long. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that having successful, peaceful, daily quiet time has changed my life at home with kids.

So I now invite you all to convert to my Church of Quiet Time. We meet daily at 1 p.m.; I’ll bring the Netflix log in, you bring the snacks.

Quiet Time is Awesome Because it…

1. Establishes routine.

Kids love routines. Their little brains thrive on predictability. Having structure to their day helps them cope with challenges and feel less anxiety.

2. Hits the emotional reset button.

Sometimes after a day of tantrums and time out, quiet time is all we both need to reset and like each other again. Having space to play and calm down can help Nate regain emotional control, and having Nate be away from me for a hot second definitely helps me regain emotional control.

3. Inspires problem solving and creativity.

When kids are playing without the constant supervision and intervention of an adult, they are forced to solve problems and be creative. In quiet time, they are in a safe and structured space to do exactly what they want! Beyond problem solving, they can use their toys in new, imaginative ways, without being limited by what our little grown up minds think is the “right” way to play with something.

4. Provides an opportunity for rest

Once in a while, Nate will still fall asleep during quiet time. And often, he will lay on his bed and read books. Without being forced to hang out in his room and chill for a minute, the kid will run circles around my house from sun up to sun down. Quiet time gives his little body a chance to rest.

5. Recharges mom’s batteries

Don’t feel guilty for one second about needing a break from your kids. Take quiet time to do something for YOU. Don’t clean the whole time. Do something that fills your cup. Sometimes I do hair, sometimes I veg out, sometimes I work on my blog! I do something that connects me to the me that exists outside of wiping bums and playing cars.

You get it. Quiet time is great. But you’re probably like, “Pfff, aint no way my kids would play happily in their rooms for an hour a day.” They will. They really will. So where do you start?

Get Your Quiet Time On

1. Start Small

Start with a couple of songs. Tell your child that you are all going to have quiet time in the afternoons, and he or she may play quietly in their room while you rest or read or something. Try to communicate that you are not off doing fun things while they are in quiet time. I’m not saying you should lie to them but you definitely shouldn’t tell them you plan to eat the Halloween candy you hid from last year while you watch The Bachelorette.

2. Be Consistent

Do it every day. Especially at first! Don’t negotiate or apologize, just tell your kiddos this is a new part of the day, and it’s important and good for them.

I start quiet time by reading a book or two with Nate. This settles him down and starts off quiet time with some warm fuzzies. He’s not being banished and he’s not in trouble; we’re all just taking a break.

If your kiddo pitches a royal fit when you leave them in their room, plaster on a big ol’ smile, say “I love you! Have fun! See you soon!” And then return at the time you agreed on, smile back on your face, and ready to praise them for having quiet time. Rinse and repeat every day, and lengthen the amount of time as they get used to it. Don’t reward or negotiate. This isn’t selfish or torture. Stay the course! Peaceful afternoons are around the corner.

3. Set the Stage

Start by completely baby proofing the room. Lock the closets, bolt the dresser to the wall, and take out anything your child could use to make a giant mess. Stock the room with great books (remove paper backs if your child will rip them) and choose special toys that are only used for quiet time.

When Nate was little, I put all of the noisy toys that I hated listening to in his room for quiet time. I recognize that’s not all that “quiet”, but it did the trick.

Now that he’s past that age, I try to find toys that inspire creativity and imagination, and that won’t make him frustrated. I am amazed at the things Nate makes and the worlds he creates during his quiet time! Choose open ended toys that can be used in lots of different ways, and be careful to select toys that kids won’t need help with.

A few of our quiet time MVPs:

Magformers

Legos or Duplos

Squigz

Lacing Beads

4. Choose Your Timing

Since I still have a napper at home, I line up Nate’s quiet time with my baby’s afternoon nap. I have several movie soundtracks downloaded, and Nate gets to choose one album to listen to. When the music is over, he is allowed to come out. He very rarely fights this.

If he is having a rough day with quiet time, I don’t extend quiet time. I just remind him to go back, and he will lose other privileges if he continues to come out. When we are traveling, I try to continue the idea of quiet time, even though it looks different on vacation. Sometimes it’s watching movie in bed, sometimes it’s 15 minutes of reading books alone. But I try to make sure the concept still happens, and then we get right back to our routine when we’re back home.

5. Motivate

Nate has a chart on our fridge with tasks he needs to accomplish before he is allowed any screens for the day. He needs to get dressed, make his bed, clean up his toys, play outside, read books, and have quiet time before any screens. This is a hard and fast rule and I never break it. Because of this, Nate very rarely asks for a show in the morning. And because of this, he is highly motivated to go to quiet time happily! If he is misbehaving during quiet time, his show time is the first thing to get the boot.

Trouble Shooting

“My kids share a room!”

Get creative. Have one child have quiet time in your room. Designate the living room as quiet time space and they can alternate between their room and the other space. Put up a baby gate somewhere and set up a pillow nest. It’s worth the effort, I promise.

“My kid keeps coming out!”

You have two options here- sit outside the door and put them back every time, or put a door knob cover on their door. It won’t be like this forever. They will learn to enjoy quiet time, I promise.

“My kid is bored.”

Hooray! Boredom is the first step to imagination. Before you leave for quiet time, start playing with some of their quiet time toys with them. As they start to join in play, tell them they’re doing great and you’ll see them later. Your kids will learn to imagine and create, I promise.

“My kid doesn’t want to have quiet time.”

Who gave them a vote? You are the captain of this ship, mama. Sometimes our kids kick back about doing things that are good for them. Like vegetables. You don’t just give up and say “guess it’s all Goldfish from here on out.” You keep trying to do what’s good for them. And quiet time is good for them. It’s so very good for them, I promise.

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Having quiet time gives our days a rhythm and a flow. It has ended our screen time battles, given me much needed alone time, expanded Nate’s imagination and creative play, and really improved nearly every aspect of our days together.