Redneck Apple Dumplings

Redneck dumplings combine just a handful of surprising ingredients for the most incredible, indulgent, delicious apple dessert ever!

My life is full of contradiction. I’m a juxtaposition of likes and interests that seemingly conflict. A strange combination of bourgeoisie and honky tonk. For example, my two favorite places to buy clothing are Nordstrom and Costco. I love high end makeup but refuse to buy face wash that costs more than $10. My two favorite vacations are white sand beaches at a luxury resort, and staying in a trailer on a muddy brown lake in Alabama. I love lobster and filet mignon, and Lunchables.

One of my favorite desserts in creme brûlée. And one of my other favorites is these Redneck Apple Dumplings.

I am a complicated person.

But these incredible apple dumplings are anything but complicated.

The list of ingredients may absolutely baffle you. Perhaps even offend your delicate sensibilities. The first time my friend made them, she wouldn’t tell me what they are made from until I tried them.

One bite into the crispy and sugary tops, the tart apple, and the soft and sweet bottom, and I was convinced this recipe involved some sort of biscuit or cookie combination dough. Probably complicated.

I almost fell out of my chair when my friend told me they are made of store bought, refrigerated crescent rolls. The kind you unwrap and whack on the counter until the seam pops and it scares you a little every time.

To be honest, when I saw the recipe for these bad boys, I felt a little scandalized. I thought I was too good for canned crescent rolls and Mountain Dew.

Friends, none of us are too good for that. Don’t listen to the voice in your head telling you that you’re too fancy to get down with this trashy little treat.

Redneck Apple Dumplings

Pop open a couple of those bad boys, slice up two apples, and get to rolling.

After you’ve rolled up your little apple packages, place them in 2 rows in a 9×13 dish. Look the other way and pour on a really disturbing amount of butter and sugar. Shhhh it’s fine.

Here comes the second weird part. Crack open a can of Mountain Dew. Sprite or Ginger Ale work too if you’re afraid of doing the ‘Dew. Pour it around the perimeter of the pan.

Put the whole thing in the oven and something magical happens. I can’t possibly understand how these strange ingredients combine into this ethereal, amazing, indulgent, incredible dessert. The top becomes crisp and caramelized and fluffy, the apple is tender, and the bottom of the roll is soft and sweet and delicious. The soda, butter, and sugar, meld into this out of this world sauce for topping the little bombs of heaven. It is seriously unreal.

And don’t you dare serve it without a scoop of vanilla ice cream.

 Embrace your inner redneck, my friends.